Once again I am a few hours late. May 2 is always hard for me, so I tried to keep myself busy all day.

I took my last final this morning of my junior year of college. When I was walking home all I could think about was what my life would be like if my four year old child lived on earth with me. I can’t imagine what my life would be like. I know I would be an amazing mom, and I know I will be later on in life when the timing is right.

Four is such a fun age. Planning your birthday party would be so exciting. I know I would be chasing you around all the time. You definitely have my energy level.

I don’t know what your dad is up to, but I know he loves you too.

My angel baby, I know you have had the best four years hanging out with Jesus. I know Lucy and Harley are playing with you. DeeDee is definitely playing the same games with you that she played with me.

I think about you everyday, not just on your earthly birthday. I know you know that.

I am so excited to meet you some day. I hope you are the first face I see when Jesus opens the pearly gates. I know you are amazing, You were too amazing for this world. I’m thankful Jesus gave me such a cool kid, way too cool for earth.

Each year is just as hard. I don’t think it will ever get easier. Know that I love you more each day.

Thank you for looking out for me up there.

Happy fourth birthday, my little one.

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